By Kim Oanh Nguyen-Lam, Ph.D., Certified EI Coach, FEIAA Board Member (LDS 382) 

Most of us, especially those of us in executive leadership positions, are often so preoccupied with our many pressing tasks and responsibilities that emotions and emotional intelligence are not something we really think about. Nevertheless, regardless of whether we are aware of our emotions, they drive our every thought, action, and decision. Let’s look at the following case scenario at a crowded airport, which is familiar to most of us. 
 
The announcement has just gone out over the speaker that Flight 382 to Detroit has been canceled. The flight has been delayed twice in the past three hours, and now it’s finally been aborted. It’s already late in the day. People rush to the customer service counter trying to change their tickets. By the time Mr. Davidson gets there, at least 10 people are already ahead of him. He looks for a line catering to first-class passengers like him but sees none. His heart pounds in his chest from the sprint to get there. What terrible service, he thinks to himself. The line doesn’t seem to move. His annoyance escalates to anger. This is no way to treat a loyal and frequent flyer like him! The line continues to inch forward. By the time he reaches the receptionist, his face is red and his nerves frayed. The tight collar of his dress shirt and tie seem to constrict his breathing. He slams his palm on the counter: “What kind of service is this? Do you people know what you’re doing?” The receptionist, a young woman, seems to shrink behind her computer. It takes her a moment to regain her composure: “Sir, how may I help you?” Mr. Davidson bellows, “Book me the next flight to Detroit ASAP! I don’t care what you do. I have to be there for an important meeting!” The receptionist looks at her computer screen and says, “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s no flight available until tomorrow morning.” Mr. Davidson loses it. He points his finger at the young woman, his face contorted with anger and his eyes narrowed with menace: “Do you know who you’re dealing with? Do you want to be fired? You have no idea what’s at stake here, do you? Hundreds of millions of dollars, that’s what! I don’t care how much it costs or how many calls you have to make, put me on the next flight NOW!” Slowly, the receptionist looks up and meets Mr. Davidson’s stare: “I’m sorry, sir. There’s nothing we can do. We will book you on the first flight out in the morning.” 
 
Jonathan is a couple of people behind Mr. Davidson in line and has witnessed the entire scenario. When he gets to the counter, he smiles at the receptionist and says, “I’m so sorry you have to bear the brunt of this fiasco. Thank you for your service and especially for your patience and professionalism under these most difficult situations.” The receptionist looks surprised and then shrugs: “It comes with the job. I’m used to it,” she says quietly. “I could never get used to rude and obnoxious people! Hats off to you,” Jonathan exclaims. This time, the receptionist stands up straight, smiles, looks Jonathan in the eyes and says, “Thank you! I do appreciate that. And how may I help you, sir?” Jonathan replies lightly, “I was hoping to be in Detroit before dinner in preparation for an important meeting early tomorrow morning. I don’t know if that’s still feasible.” The receptionist quickly types on her computer and says, “Let me see what I can do.” 
 
For the next few minutes, the receptionist devotes all her attention to the computer. Her eyes are glued to the screen while her fingers fly over the keyboards, punching in numbers and codes. She keeps murmuring and shaking her head until she suddenly stops, looks up, and says, “Sir, if you don’t mind a couple of flight changes, I could get you into Detroit just after midnight.” Jonathan lets out a big sigh of relief: “That’s great! At least I know that I can make the 9 a.m. meeting. I could even get a few hours of good sleep and be ready for it! Thank you so much! You really saved me big time tonight. My impending promotion is tied to this meeting!” The smiling receptionist replies, “You’re very welcome, sir!” 
 
Even if you know nothing about emotional intelligence, you can probably tell that Jonathan has it and Mr. Davidson doesn’t. What’s more important is to understand how emotional intelligence got Jonathan the result he wanted—and how the lack of it gave Mr. Davidson both physical discomfort and a later flight. 
 
American psychologist Daniel Goleman developed a framework for emotional intelligence that other researchers and organizations, including Multi-Health System, Inc., later reorganized into the five elements that define emotional intelligence: 

1. Self-perception: People with high emotional intelligence are aware of their feelings and the impact of their emotions on their own thoughts, actions, and dealings with others. They don’t let their emotions rule their behaviors. Mr. Davidson was not aware of his anger and was driven by it. 

2. Self-expression: People with high emotional intelligence express their emotions in a constructive way. They are able to control strong emotions and impulses. Although Jonathan was as anxious as Mr. Davidson to catch the next flight out, he was able to regulate his emotions and maintain a calm demeanor. 

3. Interpersonal: People with high emotional intelligence are able to understand another person’s perspective. They have the ability to develop and maintain mutually satisfying relationships based on trust and compassion. Jonathan understood what the receptionist was going through and shared his empathy with her. Mr. Davidson was so driven by his anger and frustration that he paid no attention to anyone else’s feelings. 

4. Decision making: People with high emotional intelligence understand the impact that emotions have on decision making. These individuals can resist or delay impulses and remain objective to avoid rash behaviors and ineffective problem solving. Jonathan was able to hold his anxiety and frustration in check and interacted with the receptionist in a nonthreatening and hopeful manner; this allowed her to think “outside of the box,” which led to a desired outcome. 

5. Stress management: People with high emotional intelligence are able to cope with the emotions associated with change and with unfamiliar or unpredictable circumstances. They are able to deal with stressful or difficult situations by managing or influencing situations in a positive manner, as demonstrated by Jonathan. 

As this simple case scenario illustrates, emotional intelligence plays a central role in how leaders interact with others to achieve results and build stronger teams. Each of the five elements of emotional intelligence includes three subcomponents that together make up the 15 EQ-i2 – Emotional Quotient Inventory. A Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach may use a person’s EQ-i2 assessment result for leadership development work. The assessment generates a total emotional intelligence score from five composite scores that measure distinct aspects of emotional and social functioning. In an article next month, we will focus on the first element—self-expression—and its three subcomponents: self-regard, self-awareness, and self-actualization. 

References: 
Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., and Howard, E. Book, M.D., The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. Jossey-Bass, 2011. 

Multi-Health System, Inc., https://www.mhs.com/